Affairs Don’t Start with Texts

Affairs Don’t Start with Texts

Don’t do in private what you wouldn’t do in public. It’s an important message. If we took it to heart, our communities would be better off.

Conversation Doesn’t Equate to Infidelity

It’s not helpful to assume that conversation between a woman and a man leads to sex. Would there be less sex if men and women didn’t talk? Perhaps. But while we’re stoking the fear that conversation leads to fornication, are there other values we should consider? Are we really suggesting that God’s design for creation is two genders that can’t safely talk one-on-one without making babies? Is instruction for men and women to avoid one another consistent with the message of the cross that we are united into one body?

We’ve created a whole new set of problems by teaching our fellow believers to treat every one-on-one interaction with the opposite sex as a potential sexual encounter. This is a distortion of God’s design in creation. It’s a distortion of the Jesus we meet in the Scripture, who has many important conversations with women. And it’s a distortion of the relational ethic we find in Paul, where he seems to believe that every believer, regardless of gender, lives in the mutual blessing and responsibility of the covenant community.

To continue reading this post written by myself and Dr. Jon Wymer, please visit Tim Fall’s blog

3 thoughts on “Affairs Don’t Start with Texts

  1. Tried to post this on Fundyland Sees Red, but it wouldn’t go through. I came on here and read this and thought it kind of goes along w/some of what I said.

    Got this in an email this week, 7 minutes of gag me… (also got a podcast calling masturbation strictly sinful, funny b/c I just listened to a few of your podcasts talking about these exact “issues”):

    Well, now I know if I’m tempted to look at immodest bodies at the pool, I just need to pray in faith and I’ll definitely be delivered. Fundy bs at its finest.

    My husband and I appreciate the honesty we hear here and on your blogs. Thank you. Our family starting seeing the inconsistencies of fundyness a few years ago. Boy oh boy are we going through a transition. 3 teens who were fed this stuff many years and now we are trying to navigate through the damage.

    Any chance you could ever talk about the challenges for the kids that are going through this stuff? We loved crazy fundies and we loved moderate fundies alike. We homeschooled-scowled and called sin at those who didn’t, regular family devotions-no matter the amount of misery or numerous spankings at times, hid our eyes from hints of: cleavage, swimsuits, and billboards (we are in Vegas, and completely would change our driving routes, even if it meant adding 30 minutes each way to where we were going). We watched sermons like they were tv shows… the whole fam, not just mom and dad. I even freaked out over Despicable Me 2 when we rented it on a whim (which we RARELY did, but this was when we started to try to be more gracious about this stuff-I couldn’t handle it, ugh!). I hate what we’ve done to our kids in that sense, but am thankful we are trying to see things differently. We are open with the kids about this too. It is just so hard when those old teachings, that have been embedded in us creep back up. Also, the few friends that still talk to us are still heavily confused and have one foot in Fundyland (reconstructionist/theonomist). Children/teens are being told no feelings toward the opposite sex are allowed until they are ready to take care of a family? What would that do? Hmmmm… take care of the feelings and all of a sudden act like nothing ever happened. Rrrrrriiiiigggghhht… more like they are trying to just keep it hidden, have private messaging accounts, and intensify feelings 10 fold(pressing marriage as soon as they are 18 b/c they are so confused and think that’s what has to happen in order to be in a relationship with the opposite sex)! We watched this happen with others and our daughter too. Being pressured into looking towards marriage! No we laugh to a degree b/c that’s the kind of stuff they’re hiding and not making out or more, there is an innocence and a sense of trying to do what is right. But this is too much. There was a time we would have been elated to hear our daughter wants to get married and start a family right away, but not now. I’ve seen what that can do. ( I’m there w/little else to say about myself now or a way to provide for my family if something happened to my husband-thankfully our views on women working and going to school have changed and husband is supportive of his girls and me doing those things now, I have friends who can’t. ) Every single thing feels so guarded, like we can’t interact with the opposite sex and when we do all eyes are on us.

    Well, I could go on and on even though I came on here just to post that ridiculous blog post, haha. Vent over for the day! At least to you guys ;-).

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